How often do you lie? The Gorilla really wants you to think about this question. Be honest now! Okay- all kidding aside. All of us lie at some point or another and for various reasons but why do we do it? Now, you may hear the word “lie” and immediately think of someone other than yourself. But c’mon now, it is almost impossible to be a human being (or a primate!) and not tell at least one lie every now and then! Here’s a scenario: Your young child’s grandmother ,who they love and adore, is dying. Your kids see that she is sick and they ask you if she is dying, to which you reply, “no.” You are simply trying to protect them as many people do. Or how about the little white lie many men tell their wives when they are asked if she “looks fat.” Now, fellas, the Gorilla doesn’t have to educate all of you as to the “why’s” of that scenario, now does he? Yes, it’s true. Even the most honest well intended people tell- at least little white lies- on occasion.Well, let’s shed some light on this controversial subject, shall we? Bella DePaulo is a visiting professor at the University of California at Santa Barbara ,and her research is in lying and other forms of deception. She claims that lying is not always intended for personal gain, such as wealth or getting ahead in a job, but mostly for psychological reasons. We lie, she says, because we want other people to see us the way we wish we were, to spare others’ feelings or to avoid conflict. According to DePaulo, there are two types of lies:
• Self-centered lies are used to make you look better, or to avoid embarrassment or conflict (”I can’t get lunch with you because I have to run an errand.”)
• Other-centered lies are used to spare someone else’s feelings (”You totally do not look fat in that dress.”)
To support her research, DePaulo conducted a study in which she asked college students to write down each and every lie they told in one week. The results showed that they lied at least once to almost 38% of people they interacted with. (That’s a heck of a lot of lying!) DePaulo also found that some types of people are more likely to lie: Manipulative people lie to get what they want, and people pleasers tend to say what the other person wants to hear. (We’ve all know both these types!)
The bottom line? Well most people have generally good intentions and value honesty and being forthright. It is a very abstract subject that we tend to sometimes over-think. Although we value honesty, we also value compassion and concern for other people’s feelings. So is that so wrong?
Hey, we can’t all be “Honest Abe”, but it sure is a good thing we aren’t walking around with our nose growing each time we tell a lie! Could it be that Pinocchio was just trying to spare everyone hurt feelings, by showing compassion and not telling the “whole” truth? If that’s true, than the poor boy got a bad rap! The Gorilla doesn’t know about you, but when he is having a bad day, and he’s feeling haggard and tires, he would prefer for you NOT to tell him he does! Now that’s a lie we call ALL live with!